Diamond,
Your writing voice is amazing. Only occasionally, your prose gets a little wordy, like in the first sentence of paragraph two. I don't think you need to leave that sentence out, but readability might benefit from a little trimming. Maybe just: I spent most of my Christmases and Thanksgivings with my mother's side of the family. But streamlining is an easy fix, and your prose overall is well-presented.
What strikes me most is the consistency of beautifully presented images/moments. For example: "I felt it like you feel a tugging at your shoulder, that somehow, we had fallen short in their eyes" and "more clumps and patches of rocky red soil than grass, sad little sprouts of limp green lilting out and smashing underneath light-up Nikes." Fantastic!
I hope you keep going with this draft. And with writing, in general. Your workshop piece was impressive, and this draft equally so. I think as long as you're taking time to write every day, you'll continue to produce sharp prose. I want to keep reading . . .
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