Peer Response, Week One

Response to MacKenzie's "Reportage" Entry, Week One

I'm a rookie writer, so I find it difficult to offer helpful commentary. But I'll give it my best shot. Across the board, your bits of dialogue are timely, breaking up exposition and giving your subjects a realistic humanity. Sometimes, when you're giving us inner dialogue, I think it would give your prose more of a punch if you let the visual speak for you. For example, when you say that Daniel demolished the cheese dip, it distracts a little from the familiar image of "the last bits of it [congealed] in the bottom of the bowl." Maybe there's a way to show us who the culprit is without that front bit of introduction. I have a pretty cool visual of the guy with the "metabolism of a frightened antelope." I know the type. Nice image. To me, the last two paragraphs are your strongest. The only other observation I have is that your introductory sentence seems to get a little bogged down. Perhaps simply opening with "Apparently the new thing is just meat on a tortilla," might strengthen your hook.