Peer Response 2, Week 2

Response to Susana's Memory, Week 2

Your first sentence, I think, is a strong one, effective for peaking our interest. But the parenthetical aside seems unnecessary. You've really fleshed out some intereseting details in this draft--I'm especially fascinated by the "walking catfish" and the "walking-catfish-sucking-machine," but there are others. A thinning-out revision might serve you well in this piece. Expositions like, "The imagination is amazing at age 11" and "We were homebound," your readers get for free, so you don't have to say it outright.

Also, there seems to be an odd play here between fear and adventure. And I think you should take advantage of that juxtaposition. For example, were you just a little sad when the water receded and everything went back to normal?